My (very challenging) new years resolutions

At the moment, I tend to think of 2016 as a tough year for me. But it really wasn’t that awful, it just wasn’t living up to my expectations. I wasn’t living up to my expectations. I had great experiences, and to be real, I did things I had never imagined I could do. Such as going by myself to the other side of the globe. And I wasn’t even scared. I sometimes forget to remind myself what a huge step I took at that point. Normally, I will look back and regret all the things I didn’t do.

So. Next year I will try not to strive for perfection. I will try to lower my expectations, and applaud myself when I do well. That will be very very very hard for someone like me. I am never really satisfied, and I never really believe those who tell me I have done well.

I have many strong emotions, which is great at times. When they are good, I can get high on happiness and joy. The bad emotions on the other hand, can leave me feeling completely devastated. For some reasons, the strong emotions make me feel alive, but they also really tear me down. I surround myself with my overwhelming emotions, because I think it will make me happier. I don’t think they ever will. I should let go of them. I should be able to tell the difference between what is good and what is not.

I have had a bit of a love-hate relationship with meditation, as I do not like letting go of my thoughts. My thoughts and emotions are also the ones to give me inspiration, and I would hate to not be able to feel inspired. Inspiration can be tiring though. It is not always I have enough time to do anything about it, so it often just drains me, and makes me feel like I never do anything.

I will try to figure out where my on/off switch is in the new year. I really need it. I will accept meditation or yoga as a way of letting my thoughts go, and I will let them go. I will dive into books when my world is overwhelming and I can’t handle things. I will turn off my thoughts at night, because it really is a daily struggle to fall asleep when your mind insists on composing a story or coming up with ideas to solve all your problems. Catch me in the morning, will you?

There might be a reason why I really love the song ‘Let it go’ even though I am not really the right age-group for ‘Frozen’. I know I need to let it aaaaaaall go. And now, if you will excuse me I will jump to my yoga mat.

I could change the name of my blog

Well… it has been a while! It is not that I haven’t written anything, but I have deleted it all again, because it just wasn’t right. So! Now it is, and I am publishing my first blog post after I moved house. Or to say it right, after I moved from house to apartment. To be precise, I now live on 5th floor. That’s why I thought, that I totally could get away with changing the name of my blog to  “The view from fifth floor”, because moving all the way up here has definitely changed my perspective. Which is why I find it appropriate for me to even write a blog – I see things from a  different perspective than so many others. But I guess most people do that…

Plants

Anyway, moving all of my family’s crap from a quite big house to a rather small apartment was pretty strange. We have cleared out more stuff than I could ever imagine, but it has been worth it. Even though I feel like every empty space in my room has been filled with more stuff than what it actually could fit, it works. Having a smaller space and lesser stuff is good. I have come to a point, where I could take almost every little object in my room, and argue why I left it there. I guess that is good?

Clothes rack

Not only do we have less indoor space, we have also moved from a small town to the city of Copenhagen. The Copenhagen package included noise, no ventilation and loads of stairs, but it also means a roof terasse with amazing sunsets, everything just around the corner, and people everywhere. Wait. Is people everywhere really good? Nah, sometimes it is frustrating and tiring, but sometimes it is good. It is good when you crave company and conversations, or a helping hand every now and then. Which you do. Even though I catch myself complaining about the crowded streets, I also find that I grow for every day I spend in the crowd. I learn how to let them in when I want to, and shut them out if I need to.

Flowers

Okay, so that was it for now, I will return with an update on the categories on the blog, where I might change a few things… Next week, I will hopefully also be posting something, as my sister and I are going to Amsterdam for a couple of days!

Ciao

Week 4: Mildura

I left Sydney Monday morning at around 12. It was a very small plane, with about 23 people in it. Only a few got of at Mildura, and some continued in the same plane. When I first got out, it was very quiet. My plane was the only one there, and I only had to walk a few meters to get my baggage (which only took a few minutes to get there). I was greeted by Emma (and now it gets confusing. This is another Emma, the one I will be staying with now. From now on she is the Emma I am mentioning) and her parents. We drove over to pick up their guinea pig, because they had just come home from holiday. I got to meet Rie, the other danish scout staying in Mildura. Afterwards we drove to their town house. They have two houses, one in the town and one on the countryside.

. . .

We got up at seven this morning, to catch the bus for school. Emma goes to a school called Mildura Senior College, so I went with her. In her school they don’t wear uniforms, and call the teachers by their first name. This is of course not different from Denmark, but it is quite unusual in Australia. School started at 9 (I think), and first lesson was psychology. It was easy to follow, and I found the topic (operant conditioning) quite interesting. The next lesson was English, where I read a book while the class talked about the book. They had read it beforehand, but obviously I hadn’t. In maths me and Emma were a bit lost, but I feel like it got better with time. I am hoping that I will understand it after a few lessons, because I have had about that particular topic before (logarithms). We ended the day with, a lunch break, and then chemistry. Chemistry was probably the best topic of the day, because 1) the teacher had brought brownies, and 2) we have had about bases and acids dozens of times so I actually knew what was going on.

When we got home, we had “afternoon tea” consisting of fruit, juice and chips. Emma’s little sister, Maddie, came home from camp so I got to meet her.

. . .

Another school day today. A bit longer and not as exciting, but it was okay. I did some grocery shopping with Maaike after school. For dinner we had kangaroo meatballs.

. . .

I am really liking the chemistry classes. I got to read my book a lot today though, because there was a few lessons I couldn’t participate properly in. After school we went back home, and for dinner we had hamburgers. After dinner me and Emma went to the venturer scout meeting. We went on a dump hike, so we got dumped of in the other end of Mildura, and walked back to the scout hall.

. . .

Friday we packed up our bags and went to Colignan, were the family have another house. It is even further away from everything, but it is still a nice place. That night it was very windy and rainy, so we just went inside. After dinner, we all went into the living room, and watched music videos on YouTube.

The farm house

. . .

Saturday morning after breakfast, I walked down to the river with Emma and their dog. Then we started packing our stuff, to go on a camp tonight. Mark gave me a tour of the farm, and we drove around to see all the citrus trees and vineyards.

In the afternoon we packed up our stuff in the car, and went to Kings Billabong to meet the other scouts and go camping. There were only three other scouts and a leader, but it was a nice little crowd. We sat around and made a campfire, and eventually we had our dinner. I tried sleeping in a swag – a tiny “tent” as pictured below.

swag

. . .

The next morning, we got up early (not on purpose) and saw the last bit of the sunrise.

Sunrise

After breakfast, we packed up some of our stuff and went for a hike. We walked out to a place called psyche pumps and back. I don’t really know how far we walked, but I am guessing it was between 10 and 15 kilometers. While walking, we saw a group of about seven kangaroos! They were not far away, and I also saw them jumping (which sounds weird to mention, but it looks really cool). I didn’t manage to get a picture of them, but I thought the experience would be better if I didn’t waste the time looking through my bag for my camera.

River

Back at the farm we had afternoon tea and I had a shower. For dinner we had lamb and vegetables made on a campfire in the garden, which the family does every Sunday. This Sunday was no exception, even though the weather was miserable.

My happy place

In my perfect life, no such thing as money exists. There is simply me and my dreams, and absolutely no pressure not to seek them out. In that life, I would live far away. I would have collected a few dear friends, with whom I shared interests. I would bring them with me, and we would start from scratch. We would help each other chase our dreams, but never reach them because that is not what dreams are for. We would have no reason to worry but what we made ourselves, so we would do the least amount of stuff. Each of us could have our place that we loved, as well as the opportunity to change it. We would grow our own food; take care of our own bodies. We would use nature as therapy and each other for advice. We would inspire each other, but never feel superior. In a perfect world, every little detail would be in balance. Nothing would interrupt the peace, and love would exists within all of us as well as between us. There would be no need for a stream of words, while we all would know it anyway. Sudden moves would not be needed; ‘stress’ and ‘hurry’ would be foreign words.

This is where my mind wanders from time to time. To this utopia that will never be reality. It is my happy place, my biggest dream. I dare dream this dream, because dreams will have changed before they come true. Dream away out there, even if your dream scares you at first.

Why running is a cleanser and yoga is a moisturizer

Do you ever find yourself with a lot of messy thoughts? In that state of mind where you can’t focus nor remember?  I do, a lot actually. Mostly after being around lots of people, because in that case I don’t get the time I need to think things through. Most introverts can probably relate. It is at this point I either go for a run or do my yoga routine.

The days I go for a run are the days I want to get out of my head. These are the days where I have had a bad day, and want to get rid of my thoughts. Therefore, running works as a cleanser to me. It gets me out of my mind, and into my body (quote from some movie, I don’t remember). That’s why, when I run, I like to run fast. Preferably in a forest with lots of things I need to avoid, either on the ground or in the air, and a tiny path I need to concentrate on. It is all these obstacles that get me out of my mind. I don’t have time to think about anything else than what is right in front of me, and sometimes that is all you need. Running gets me down to earth, it cleanses my body and mind.

Yoga, some would also call a cleanser. I don’t really think so. I find myself getting more into my head when doing yoga, than I would otherwise. And that is not a bad thing. That just means, that instead of getting rid of my thoughts, I go through them all, and put them in the right places. Some things I need to write down, because I need it to get out but still remember it. I like to think of my brain as a library. All my thoughts are books, and yoga is when the books are placed where they belong, but also read and considered. Yoga is a moisturizer, because it is not getting rid of the bad stuff, but improving the good. It is not ending something to start something new, but simply maintaining what already is – to make sure it wont dry out.

If I were to draw my head…

… I would start with my neck. Draw it simple, and the face simple to. No expressions – to the outside it would seem nice and organized. I would draw my skull cut open, and in my head there would be no brain. Instead there would be a hundred different people, some tall, some small, some happy, some sad. One of them would tell me to cry, another to dance. One would tell me: “Gorgeous”, another would say I’m ugly. A fancy looking girl would tell me to dress as I want, but when I do, another would tell me I shouldn’t have done it. In a crazy crowd, one would be of right mind and yell what I should do. But I wouldn’t hear it from the fear of the others. At times they would all start jumping to cause me headache, or lay around not willing to do a thing. Sometimes they work like a team, and I would draw them building a ship. And sometimes they would sit by themselves not willing to talk nor cooperate.

But I can’t draw.

Life

I am running from reality,
and trying not to stop.
But one day I will trip or fall,
and reality will catch up.

I never know when the path is rough,
I never predict my way.
I never know when I suddenly find,
a place I want to stay.

Even when I find my spot,
I will want a new.
‘Cause humans never get enough,
need other stuff to do.