At the moment, I tend to think of 2016 as a tough year for me. But it really wasn’t that awful, it just wasn’t living up to my expectations. I wasn’t living up to my expectations. I had great experiences, and to be real, I did things I had never imagined I could do. Such as going by myself to the other side of the globe. And I wasn’t even scared. I sometimes forget to remind myself what a huge step I took at that point. Normally, I will look back and regret all the things I didn’t do.
So. Next year I will try not to strive for perfection. I will try to lower my expectations, and applaud myself when I do well. That will be very very very hard for someone like me. I am never really satisfied, and I never really believe those who tell me I have done well.
I have many strong emotions, which is great at times. When they are good, I can get high on happiness and joy. The bad emotions on the other hand, can leave me feeling completely devastated. For some reasons, the strong emotions make me feel alive, but they also really tear me down. I surround myself with my overwhelming emotions, because I think it will make me happier. I don’t think they ever will. I should let go of them. I should be able to tell the difference between what is good and what is not.
I have had a bit of a love-hate relationship with meditation, as I do not like letting go of my thoughts. My thoughts and emotions are also the ones to give me inspiration, and I would hate to not be able to feel inspired. Inspiration can be tiring though. It is not always I have enough time to do anything about it, so it often just drains me, and makes me feel like I never do anything.
I will try to figure out where my on/off switch is in the new year. I really need it. I will accept meditation or yoga as a way of letting my thoughts go, and I will let them go. I will dive into books when my world is overwhelming and I can’t handle things. I will turn off my thoughts at night, because it really is a daily struggle to fall asleep when your mind insists on composing a story or coming up with ideas to solve all your problems. Catch me in the morning, will you?
There might be a reason why I really love the song ‘Let it go’ even though I am not really the right age-group for ‘Frozen’. I know I need to let it aaaaaaall go. And now, if you will excuse me I will jump to my yoga mat.